I know, I know, I’ve been such a horrible blogger. I mean a whole MONTH without posting something!! I apologize immensely, but I have to say, you guys probably wouldn’t want to hear me blathering on and on about nothing. So today, this post will be boring, as I am just going to vent, vent, and whine. But I figure, better to write it out then to annoy my friends and family all the time, right?
So what have I been doing? Well absolutely nothing to be honest. I’m extremely sad to say that I have only ridden once since I last posted, and it was on my friends horse Ricky that I used to lease. Me not riding, or having really any contact with horses has been really tough. And going to the shows to spectate and help my friends isn’t helping. If anything its making me resent my parents for not being able to support me at that level. And I don’t want to resent them, but I feel so lost. For so long my life CENTERED around horses, and I loved it. I was happy having somewhere to go every day, and the people were like family to me. But now, I just am not happy without a horse of my own to love, ride, and cherish. This is very hard to explain to people who don’t ride, or even who don’t have a passion.
It doesn’t help that I’ve been in a rut with my studies, which is really all I’ve got going on now, and have lost any ambition or motivation towards my school work. Not like I was ever a motivated student in the first place. It is so hard for me to see myself in a job without horses, much less study for one. But I had to be realistic. My parents aren’t supporting my horse life any longer, so I’m going to have to make it on my own somehow, and quitting school and working (which is what I would really like to do) isn’t going to happen. If I want to be able to afford showing at WEF or HITS I need to make something of myself, and that requires college. I just really wish I was able to at least take lessons or something to get my horsey fix, but any place close to school just doesn’t cut it for me. I don’t want to start any bad habits, and I’m pretty sure what with me not riding in lets say two-three months, I’ve lost a lot of confidence in myself.
And since I’ve had nothing to do with myself, it leaves me a lot of time to just feel sorry for myself. Which is AWFUL! Just a little advice to everyone, if you have a lot of time on your hands, don’t sit around doing nothing like I do. It only breeds misery. Anyways I am thankful that I was able to ride at such a nice show barn in high school, but now that I’m in college, and not riding, whenever I see posts about my friends back home winning a class at WEF, or buying their new horse, or even getting a new saddle, I am just overwhelmed with jealousy. Why couldn’t that be me? UGH pathetic…
In other HAPPY news, my pup is doing well. Hes already been introduced to horses, which he could care less about, and loves going to horse shows, when its not to hot of course. He’s a bit sensitive to the heat. Poor puppy has been my little companion, and I’m sure it hasn’t been so fun hanging around a boring, sad girl… But look how cute he is!!
|At the dog park. Isn’t he adorable??|
If you have stuck with me through this depressing post, I apologize for being so whiney. Really I try not to put stuff like this on this blog, but its all I’ve got right now. So everyone, feel very fortunate for what you have!!! Next post, I hope will not be this depressing!