For those of you who are still with me, I do apologize for basically dropping off the face of the earth.  After my last show things at the barn got a bit hectic, and I just didn’t feel like writing in all honesty.  After all the drama at the barn, and from all that anxiety, I started to feel a bit overwhelmed with things.  I also haven’t been feeling the greatest lately, so I’ve been slacking.  I felt like my days at the barn were all blurred into one, with nothing really substantial happening.  I say that, yet A LOT has happened since I last posted anything.

After we got back from the show, we laid low for a bit, and then decided to go to a show in my hometown of West Palm.  I’d been in a funk with my riding, but I figured since its summer it would be nice and quiet and a great first time to bring Libby, especially since I do want to show her there again one day for WEF!  So we brought them and while everyone from my barn did awesome, the weekend for me was a complete disaster.  After our awesome time in Tampa, I had thought I’d gotten my nerves in check a bit, but no.  Schooling went great, but come show day I had a total break down.  I couldn’t handle my parents being there, and most of all I couldn’t handle my old barn friends/trainer watching me.  I rode terribly, made Libby all excited, and was so disappointed in myself that I scratched from the flat and walked her back to the barn in tears.  I was able to kind of control myself on Sunday, but the whole experience was a big blow to my confidence.

Schooling on Thursday

Since the show, because of several issues including the following…

  1. Our barn getting a call from the show office days after we got back home informing us that a horse that was positive with EHV was stabled right behind us, so we quarentined our horses.
  2. My trainers horse coliced and had to undergo major colic surgery.
  3. Libby was chiropracted and then she got stuck in a fence yet again, so I’ve been nursing her wounds.

…I have not ridden consistently,  and I haven’t jumped her since. 

This should be fun, not terrifying….

Now don’t get me wrong.  While this post might seem very down in the dumps about the show, I’m not through with showing just yet.  I think with more experience, I’ll be able to control my nerves, I just need more practice, more places to go ride in front of people.  My biggest problem is that I truly care what people think, and I need to just NOT.  I need to ride for me and Lib, not for the people watching us.

Tomorrow will be our first jump school since we’ve been back, and I’m excited.  Hopefully giving myself some time away from it will help me see with a new perspective. 


18 thoughts on “I’m BAAAACKKK!

  1. So glad you are back!!! Missed you guys!!! You guys look amazing on schooling day…nerves are the worst and mares can totally feel it. Things will get better with more opportunities to get out and about.


  2. Thanks, and don't worry! Although I might not have been commenting much I've still been keeping an eye on everyone, you and your gorgeous girl included 🙂 And I sure hope so!


  3. Welcome back! I've missed hearing about you and Libby. Sorry the show didn't go well, but I know for me the only cure was to go out and do. I set my expectations really low and worked up from there, which really helped.

    Do you have any opportunities for just schooling off farm, or smaller venues to begin increasing your confidence?


  4. As long as you're on the right horse (and I think you are), the best cure is just to keep getting back on and doing it. You'll get there. Besides, once you've embarrassed yourself beyond all redemption, no one has any expectations for you to live up to. 😉 < - That pretty well covers my entire junior career. It was horrid. Thanks for the girth, btw! Fits the new guy perfectly.


  5. I struggle a ton with caring way too much about what other people think, even at home and in non-show environments. For me, it's mostly about new/unknown people watching me and not knowing if they're judging me or what they're thinking. Usually as soon as I get to know them, I realize that they're most likely not judging me at all and if they ride, they understand what it's like to have bad days where your horse doesn't listen to you or nothing goes right. Most people, the ones actually worth your time, will sympathize 🙂

    Glad you're back!


  6. Welcome back!! I've missed reading about you and Libby! Seems like lots has been going on and is going on. Thinking about you ladies and hoping that things start looking up 🙂


  7. I used to be like that too and care about people in a non show environment. That has slowly gone away, I still get a little nervous riding in front of people I don't know at home, but its nothing compared to the shows.


  8. Thank you! Im trying to go to another schooling show in the beginning of Nov, but well see. I wouldn't really be able to go without my trainer since I don't have a trailer or any way to take her myself.


  9. Showing isn't supposed to be terrifying?? Can someone tell my brain that? The idea alone makes my heart rate double. Sorry about the funk, I fall into that all the time with riding. You look great in your photos and if Libby can keep out of trouble then hopefully you can go in November.


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