I know, I know. I’ve been MIA. I’m starting to develop a pattern where I get really into blogging and have so many ideas, but then everything just fizzles out. When things just don’t go the way I’d hoped I also get sad, and I think to myself “Who wants to hear my sad ramblings” so my blog gets no love.
I’m sure most of you are wondering where we are, what we are doing, and if any of you follow me on Instagram, your probably wondering how my show went. Yes we horse showed last week. But I’ve had this post in my head, and I’ve written and rewritten it numerous times, so I figure why not just post it for everyone first. I’ve been feeling lately that I must get something off my chest to you guys, so here it goes.
I write these posts with the thought that, hopefully, people will read them and be happy reading them. Many of us bloggers don’t necessarily include a lot of personal things on here, which is fine. To each his own. I on the other hand feel an obligation and responsibility to give readers a reason behind my random absences. Yes I know this weird guilt of mine when I don’t write posts is totally self thought up, but I still can’t get rid of that nagging feeling when I read everyone elses posts. (Yes I still avidly read everyones blog happenings.)
So here it goes: I, Shelley, have been dealing with a lot of depression and anxiety lately. For whatever reason, be it my impending move, being nervous to show, or anxiety relating to making my parents proud (yes thats actually a thing) I have been dealing with some issues on my own over here, that I honestly have been embarrassed to write about, or even write with since I have this theory that people can tell my moods from how I’ve written a certain post.
Not that I feel that any one of you would judge me, but I’m embarassed to write a post and have my feelings come through. I believe this is an outlet for bloggers, but I can’t help but think of it as a form of entertainment for other readers, and I honestly didn’t believe my posts, with my anxiety and sadness laced in, would be entertaining. So I stopped writing.
This post is not a pity post, believe me. And no I’m not going to stop blogging. But just know when you haven’t seen me post in a while, its not because I don’t love blogging, or my readers. Being in a battle against yourself just gets pretty exhausting.