Patterns And Truths

I know, I know.  I’ve been MIA.  I’m starting to develop a pattern where I get really into blogging and have so many ideas, but then everything just fizzles out.  When things just don’t go the way I’d hoped I also get sad, and I think to myself “Who wants to hear my sad ramblings” so my blog gets no love. 

I’m sure most of you are wondering where we are, what we are doing, and if any of you follow me on Instagram, your probably wondering how my show went.  Yes we horse showed last week.  But I’ve had this post in my head, and I’ve written and rewritten it numerous times, so I figure why not just post it for everyone first.  I’ve been feeling lately that I must get something off my chest to you guys, so here it goes. 

I write these posts with the thought that, hopefully, people will read them and be happy reading them.  Many of us bloggers don’t necessarily include a lot of personal things on here, which is fine.  To each his own.  I on the other hand feel an obligation and responsibility to give readers a reason behind my random absences.  Yes I know this weird guilt of mine when I don’t write posts is totally self thought up, but I still can’t get rid of that nagging feeling when I read everyone elses posts.  (Yes I still avidly read everyones blog happenings.) 

So here it goes:  I, Shelley, have been dealing with a lot of depression and anxiety lately.  For whatever reason, be it my impending move, being nervous to show, or anxiety relating to making my parents proud (yes thats actually a thing) I have been dealing with some issues on my own over here, that I honestly have been embarrassed to write about, or even write with since I have this theory that people can tell my moods from how I’ve written a certain post. 

Not that I feel that any one of you would judge me, but I’m embarassed to write a post and have my feelings come through.  I believe this is an outlet for bloggers, but I can’t help but think of it as a form of entertainment for other readers, and I honestly didn’t believe my posts, with my anxiety and sadness laced in, would be entertaining.  So I stopped writing.

This post is not a pity post, believe me.  And no I’m not going to stop blogging.  But just know when you haven’t seen me post in a while, its not because I don’t love blogging, or my readers.  Being in a battle against yourself just gets pretty exhausting.

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19 thoughts on “Patterns And Truths

  1. I've started writing again, and am seeing what I'm working through clearly in there. I don't really know if other people are interested, but it has been cathartic for me. It is hard to show what we feel are our weaknesses or failings, but I've found I feel better than always keeping it stuffed down. Depression and anxiety are very difficult to deal with, but know that, if you choose, you aren't alone.

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  2. You'd be amazed how many of us have or are fighting depression etc. Life is hard and sometimes even that which should be fun just isn't. Its a source of stress. Most of us like to put our best foot forward on blogs, but feel free to vent a little too, or hit any of us up personally. Its a community that can share the good and bad of life, just with the bonus of cute horse photos.

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  3. Better to be honest than happy. 🙂 Most all of us have been there at one time or another and I'm certainly happy to help talk you through it at any point. It's hard and it happens to the best of us. No need to be ashamed of that sort of thing.

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  4. I've been there! It's tough to write when all you feel like saying is “my life sucks.” I get sick of hearing it in my own head sometimes, so I can only imagine that my readers would too.

    Anyways, if you ever need to talk, just let me know!!

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  5. I totally know the feeling. I get that you want to be upbeat, but I do appreciate your honesty and I think it helps writing your feelings down. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here!

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  6. I just sometimes feel like I'm unloading a lot of sadness and depressing thoughts on this blog and honestly I feel bad that people have to read it. Certainly can't be fun reading someone elses sad writings over and over. So I try and hide it, but sometimes its too difficult to cover up.

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  7. Battle against yourself. Yes. Well said. I think you would find that more people than you think would relate to what you are going through. Myself included. It's a major barrier to my own blogging too.

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  8. Sometimes it's hard to write blog posts how we are actually feeling instead of writing them how we think our readers want to read them (if that makes sense). It's completely up to you how personal or often you post. You don't have an obligation to any of us. =-)

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