I’m BAAAACKKK!

For those of you who are still with me, I do apologize for basically dropping off the face of the earth.  After my last show things at the barn got a bit hectic, and I just didn’t feel like writing in all honesty.  After all the drama at the barn, and from all that anxiety, I started to feel a bit overwhelmed with things.  I also haven’t been feeling the greatest lately, so I’ve been slacking.  I felt like my days at the barn were all blurred into one, with nothing really substantial happening.  I say that, yet A LOT has happened since I last posted anything.

After we got back from the show, we laid low for a bit, and then decided to go to a show in my hometown of West Palm.  I’d been in a funk with my riding, but I figured since its summer it would be nice and quiet and a great first time to bring Libby, especially since I do want to show her there again one day for WEF!  So we brought them and while everyone from my barn did awesome, the weekend for me was a complete disaster.  After our awesome time in Tampa, I had thought I’d gotten my nerves in check a bit, but no.  Schooling went great, but come show day I had a total break down.  I couldn’t handle my parents being there, and most of all I couldn’t handle my old barn friends/trainer watching me.  I rode terribly, made Libby all excited, and was so disappointed in myself that I scratched from the flat and walked her back to the barn in tears.  I was able to kind of control myself on Sunday, but the whole experience was a big blow to my confidence.

Schooling on Thursday

Since the show, because of several issues including the following…

1. Our barn getting a call from the show office days after we got back home informing us that a horse that was positive with EHV was stabled right behind us, so we quarentined our horses.
2. My trainers horse coliced and had to undergo major colic surgery.
3. Libby was chiropracted and then she got stuck in a fence yet again, so I’ve been nursing her wounds.

…I have not ridden consistently,  and I haven’t jumped her since. 

This should be fun, not terrifying….

Now don’t get me wrong.  While this post might seem very down in the dumps about the show, I’m not through with showing just yet.  I think with more experience, I’ll be able to control my nerves, I just need more practice, more places to go ride in front of people.  My biggest problem is that I truly care what people think, and I need to just NOT.  I need to ride for me and Lib, not for the people watching us.

Tomorrow will be our first jump school since we’ve been back, and I’m excited.  Hopefully giving myself some time away from it will help me see with a new perspective.